Oh my. Another sappy journal.

A lot has happened in such a short amount of time. These spurts of punctuated equilibrium tend to serve as a catalyst for severe bouts of introspection. A good outcome of these recent events has been resolving some issues I had previously and steadfastly refused to confront. Albeit a minor, one of the things I have come to fully realize is why I have stopped drawing: fear of failure.

Well, that and I am incredibly lazy.

And addicted to the L4D2 demo.

But regardless, here's a snapshot of what goes on in my eety-beety mind: when I start something and I don't show aptitude right at the get-go, I just give up. It happened when I learned to play the banjo (never got past the first few chords of "When the Saint's come marching in") and it happens when I start to draw.

I think the only thing I have actually shown any aptitude for is applying transgenic technology using lambda phages and making messes with cryogenic liquids.

I have concluded that I need to do is admit to myself that I have this fear (which I did), get over it (which I am doing), do what I originally set out to do (which I will), and refuse to become like the aloof, vain individuals around me (which I wont) or end up 20-some years from now as a 40-year old alcoholic wondering what the fuck happened.

I refuse to let that happen.

_{but I wont give up the vidya games}